By Bertha Rios-Neikrik
The way we experience love often mirrors how we love ourselves. This concept might sound a bit corny, but it’s rooted in truth. Self-love isn’t just about eating well, staying active, getting enough sleep, or practicing positive self-talk—it also includes how we care for ourselves sexually. Sometimes, taking things into our own hands—literally—is the best way to learn about our bodies and our needs.
In her book Different Me, Different Us: The Readable Part of Couples Therapy, Marriage and Family Therapist Maddie Hundley emphasizes that self-pleasure is crucial for understanding our bodies. Through masturbation, we discover what we want and how to communicate those sexual preferences to our partners, cultivating our sexual self-awareness. Learning how to be more confident in the bedroom begins with understanding your own body and desires.
For many, the idea of masturbation can be uncomfortable. This discomfort is often rooted in societal beliefs that have labeled masturbation as “bad” or shameful. These negative narratives have shaped behaviors and beliefs, particularly among cis women, who may experience shame that hinders their ability to achieve orgasm. Hundley addresses these myths, clarifying that masturbation is a healthy practice that can enhance sexual experiences with a partner rather than detract from them.
One common misconception is that masturbation can make it harder to reach orgasm with a partner or that it might cause issues like premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. However, Hundley debunks these myths, explaining that masturbation can actually make it easier to achieve orgasm with a partner. It can even become a shared activity, serving as a sexual intimacy exercise for couples and adding a new dimension to your sexual relationship.
The negative narrative surrounding masturbation needs to be challenged. Masturbation is not only healthy but also offers numerous benefits, including stress relief, better sleep, and improved immune function. It also plays a key role in building sexual confidence and a positive self-image. If you’re struggling with low libido or wondering how to reignite passion, consider starting with self-exploration to rebuild sexual confidence and enhance sexual pleasure.
If you’ve ever wondered, “How do I feel better about myself during sex?” or “How can I feel more confident during sex?” or if being naked around your partner feels daunting, consider the power of self-pleasure. Hundley explains that masturbation is a potent tool for boosting self-esteem and improving body image. It allows you to learn about your body and desires, helping you appreciate your body and all it does for you.
By cultivating this positive self-image, you can dismantle shameful and negative emotions surrounding your self-perception. It can also be seen as a sexual healing practice, offering both physical and emotional benefits. This newfound confidence translates into sexual confidence, empowering you to express your sexual needs, overcome sexual anxiety or intimacy blocks, and explore sexual boundaries within your relationship. When you feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, your relationships become more intimate and fulfilling.
Practicing mindful sex can begin with mindful self-pleasure, setting the foundation for confidence and connection in the bedroom. Creating a safe space for self-exploration and understanding the connection between body image and self-satisfaction not only strengthens your relationship with yourself but also enhances your connections with your partner. This journey of self-discovery through masturbation is a powerful step toward building a more satisfying and confident sexual life and helps us overcome sexual shame.
So, the next time you’re looking to boost your confidence in the bedroom, remember: sometimes the best way to get to know your desires is to take matters into your own hands—literally. Embrace self-pleasure as a powerful tool not only for personal discovery but also for enhancing your sexual connection. After all, when you’re comfortable and confident with yourself, you’re bound to shine brighter in every intimate moment. So, go ahead—explore, enjoy, and let your confidence unfold in ways you never imagined. Your bedroom adventures are just getting started!
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