Individuals with an anxious attachment style have a driving desire for closeness and validation from their partners. This is due to their deeply rooted fear of abandonment. This fear was caused in their childhoods due to the parenting style they were exposed to. Anxious attachment individuals might have experienced inconsistent caregiving or emotional unavailability.
Does this feel accurate to you? Maybe both you and your partner have experienced the same thing.
If this is the case, navigating anxious-anxious attachment styles is the best course of action for you!
Anxious-anxious attachment relationships could either be very communicative and fruitful or could cause you to have difficulty creating a fulfilling bond. In trying to anticipate problems to protect the relationship as much as possible, anxious attachment individuals might over-communicate to receive the reassurance they need. This can be very beneficial for solving arguments and communicating feelings. This also can lead to codependency with partners because if both partners are dependent on getting all of their reassurance from their partners then they will not create a good support group for themselves.
This can create a cycle for both partners which is not healthy and can lead to heightened feelings of abandonment. Additionally, anxious attached people can feel more disconnected from people and their partners. This can cause tensions in the relationship which can also lead to heightened feelings of anxiety.
So what can you do to help support your relationship?
Besides going to therapy to work on your personal attachment style, you can work on ways to reassure your partner! One way you can do this is by practicing identifying the emotions that you are feeling and their causes. An example of this would be during a conflict identifying what issue originally upset you. Make sure also to include what can help you cope with or avoid a similar conflict in the future!!
To help your partner have more of a sense of security in the relationship, create fun date ideas that are related to their interests. In other words, show that you care! Knowing that your partner is anxious, help them out by creating a safe space for vulnerability!
One of the great ways that you can further understand your attachment style needs is the Blueprints course on the Zillennial Therapy website! Here you can learn more about how you can keep the lines of communication open and discover more effective ways to discuss your emotional wants and needs with your partner!
by Ally Coulton
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